The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
did i just pee glitter
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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