benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize