Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
