oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
