my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
