First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
