I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize