What did we do last night that was yellow?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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