ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
