dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to sanitize my soul.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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