i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i now understand why vodka
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
