anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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