I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
