why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
