i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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