I wish life had little blips of pornography
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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