Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
