the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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