i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
