i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
