I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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