When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
