the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
