i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
