I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
