Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
