I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
