This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
