Tell her she can't have a vagina
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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