Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
