I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
