in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
