He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
