He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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