Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
