when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
