You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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