i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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