You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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