Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What did we do last night that was yellow?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
