She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
