Got a toothbrush?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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