Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
