I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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