mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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