NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
