I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
