i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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