3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
