Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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