So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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