how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
