The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
