It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
