This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
