I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
