That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
