need another drink. this is the easiest way
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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