You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
