you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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