Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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