what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
