i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wear drunk well.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
