You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
