oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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