Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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