i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
