You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
