We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
as a side note pls kill me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize