please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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