I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
