i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
