I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
