Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
40s are totally the cure
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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