just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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