You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My ATM looks so different sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i now understand why vodka
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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