Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
