went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
