btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
