What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
