It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
