so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize