We got so high we made milksteak
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
