a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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