I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
