That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize