I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
