hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
