I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize