I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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