where am i from again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
