I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
