Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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