He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
