my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
