My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
