I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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