So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
