you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
