so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
