She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize