Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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