too bad you live with your parents still
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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