you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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