I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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